Open Letter to Tom in 20__

We will never speak to each other, unless by chance Back to the Future is real and flux capacitors really exist. You probably have all the answers and you're laughing as you're reading this. I can't wait until our minds congregate and become one, for it is then that everything will be safe. No more anger, fear, or uncertainty, only serenity and fulfillment. It seems rediculous that such a place and time exists, after repeated avalanches and earthquakes filled with the stuff of nightmares. You have already cut a hole in the spiderweb and inhaled the fresh scent of the spring air, even though it has scarred you. What i'm really looking for is the benefactor that will calm everything, to stop the winds from swirling so fast. A tiny little hourglass is slowly pouring its sands away, grain by grain. When those sands turn over, a bridge will open up and I'm going to walk across into the unknown, leaving ruins behind.

You have gone to the four corners and have seen everything. You know, where as I merely guess and hope. You are untethered and free, open and experienced. You were at my crossroads once. The footprints are now long covered with moss and debris, the roadsigns cracked and faded, but your echoes still resonate. I have no tangible evidence to base all of this fantasy upon, except for that I feel i'm destined for something. There's a guide somewhere that's watching everything unfold, writing it all down. Maybe there isn't a bridge or hourglass, maybe there's just a door. One door, one room. One turn of the handle, and every thing is left behind. Or maybe the decision isn't that obvious, perhaps i'll never even realize what's happening and layers keep adding on gradually. I just gave myself a headache.

That's another thing I have to stop doing; thinking so hard. To quote Bowie: "Lovers never lose for they are free of thought." It's the one quote that has stuck out in my mind since summer, and i've always kept it in the back of my mind. I've been looking for love, turning over every stone in order to find that precious yet evasive jewel. I'm beginning to think that I'm only hurting myself and wasting my time, but I'm always waiting for somebody to prove me wrong. When it comes to love, my vision instantly becomes that of an infant. Everything is perfect within my created bubble, until a little airhole rips open and fractures the whole thing. I have to stop worrying and hoping and just let life flow evenly. Equal parts heart and mind, instead of 90% heart. Agreeing with my last post, i'm walking through a threshold. The results will either be a glorious neverending garden of roses and sunshine, or something like has been the current trend for me. But for now, my call is being temporarily put on hold. When she answers, i'll let you know.

I need it